The walls of the hallways were pure white. The carpeted floors were grainy and flat. The fluorescent lights; patterned across the ceiling. The three of us walked together. My step-brother, Zach, led my cousin Lacey and I through the halls. Lacey walked next to Zach, I trailed behind both of them. We stopped walking at a pair of doors; a big maroon sign over the doors read “Student Center.” It was a large hall, with tables and chairs crowded throughout. There were a few students crowded around tables, but they mostly kept quiet and focused on their work.
“This is the Student Center. It’s usually where I come to do my homework,” Zach said.
“You do your homework now?” Lacey jokingly asked, giving him a smile from her innocent face. Her aquamarine colored eyes burst with energy as she poked fun at him. Her sun-kissed brown hair fell perfectly straight onto her shoulders. She wore a light gray tank top, covered by a pink sweater. Her cleavage popped out, easily noticeable to any guy. Her legs were covered with skinny jeans, forming to her petite curves with ease. She carried her purse over her shoulder and jacket in her arms.
Zach smiled back to her. “Occasionally.” His messy bronze hair shone with gold in the light. His perfectly crafted face; chiseled like an ancient Greek sculpture. His eyes piercing with the color of kyanite as he looked to me. He wore a white t-shirt with a deep gray shirt over it, along with his black leather jacket, tight black jeans around his legs and a black belt. He was tall and well built with wide and broad shoulders.
I grew irrationally jealous of Lacey. Her near constant flirting, or what I perceived as flirting, with my step-brother put me on edge. I knew she didn’t mean anything by it; she was just having a good time. But the hardest part was not being able to do anything about it. She had no idea of the secret love my step-brother and I shared.
“Why don’t we go sit down?” Zach said, leading us to a table. A few college students occasionally passed us, giving Lacey and I questionable looks. I disregarded them, and focused my attention back on Zach. I noticed he was making glances over to a girl who was sitting alone in the distance. She stared back at him.
I spoke up immediately, “Who is that girl?”
Zach looked back at me, “I know her.”
I watched as the girl got up from her chair, picking up her backpack from the floor, and moved toward us.
“Hi Zach,” she said as she approached.
My step-brother stood up from his chair. “Hello,” he staggered for a moment, “Um, Danielle, this is my step-sister, Lydia, and my step-cousin, Lacey.” He pointed to us as he said our names. “Lacey, Lydia — this is Danielle. She’s in my communications class.”
I smiled at her, hearing Lacey say hi. Danielle had the face of a supermodel, like she was straight out of a magazine. Her skin was golden tan, her light hazel eyes shining in the light of the center. Her tawny hair up in a ponytail. She stood slightly shorter than Zach, and she looked more physically mature than I am. I felt threatened by her, and like Zach could fall under her spell at any given moment.
He smiled at us, “They will be attending the college soon.”
Danielle spoke, “That’s great, I hope you both enjoy it here! By the way, I forgot to ask you earlier, Zach… did you happen to finish your part assignment?”
“Most of it, just have a few things to touch up. Why?”
“I’ll need to add it to the PowerPoint presentation by Friday,” she said.
“No problem, I’ll finish it tonight and get it to you tomorrow.”
“Okay, great, that will be perfect.”
Before I knew what had happened, Lexi was standing right next to Zach. Her hand grasped his hand firmly.
“Hi! Are you a friend of Zach’s?” Lexi asked, with a polite, yet alert expression on her face.
“Um, yeah… he’s in one of my morning classes… who are you?” Danielle said puzzled by what was happening.
“I’m Lexi, his girlfriend.” Lexi’s tone went from sweet, to sour in a second.
“Oh…” Danielle whispered under her breath.
I looked over at Zach, he was thinking to himself for a moment. “That’s right, I texted you about the tour this morning,” he said to Lexi.
“Yup, I couldn’t miss seeing you again, baby,” Lexi said, rubbing her fingers down my step-brother’s leathered chest.
My eyebrows rose. Lexi didn’t know about the emotions that I had for my step-brother, nor did she know that he and I slept together. Zach didn’t see it as cheating on Lexi. He saw it as a form of expression. An expression of the love he shared for me, and I saw it that way too. But I knew that if Lexi did find out, she would be absolutely furious.
Danielle blinked rapidly. “I’m just gunna go… I’ll see you tomorrow, Zach.”
“Goodbye,” he said to Danielle.
Danielle was out of sight within seconds. I knew the inferno of Lexi-attitude was about to start as I stared at the two.
Lexi’s twig of a body twisted, completely facing Zach in a terrifying way. “Who’s that?” she asked.
He laughed softly. “She’s just a friend, you have nothing to worry about.”
“That’s what you say about every girl you meet. You said that about Julia and Valerie and…” Lexi’s sentence was interrupted by his voice.
But, she was relentless. “And don’t even get me started on my bitch of a best friend; I still haven’t forgiven her for trying to seduce you. Oh! And I still haven’t forgiven you for going over to her apartment the one time we broke up either. You put me through hell and you partied with her. And I still don’t believe you when you say you two didn’t fuck. You’re sexy as hell, and you’re a guy. It’s pretty obvious you two did shit.” Lexi’s rant finally ended.
Zach put his hands on Lexi’s rosy cheeks and jaw. “Lexi. I love you, and I promise to you, they are only friends. Nothing more.” Hearing him say the words ‘I love you’ to another girl made my tummy twist.
Lexi took a deep breath. “I love you too… and I believe you.” I watched as the two of them kissed. I became very uncomfortable. Observing the man I love kiss another girl, hurt me far beyond anything I have experienced. Like a knife through the aorta of my heart, as if I’m bleeding on the inside.
They let each other’s lips go; I could feel the pain in my chest slowly fade. “Lydia… you and Lacey start up my car. I’ll be out in a minute,” He handed me his car keys.
“Okay… I’ll see you later Lexi.” I tried to be as benevolent as possible, but I felt the urge to hurt her.
“Bye Lydia!” Lexi cheered. “Nice to see you again Lacey!”
“You too!” Lacey said.
Lacey and I left the Student Center in hast. I didn’t want to look back at them. The thought of seeing the two kissing again made my tummy burn.
“Do you remember how to get back to the parking lot? I swear to God this school is a maze,” Lacey said.
“Yeah, we go this way.”
After a moment of silence she spoke up again, “He’s a magnet, isn’t he?”
At first, I didn’t know what she meant. I had to think about it for a moment. “Magnet as in a guy that attracts a lot of women?”
She nodded in reply.
I sighed, “Yuppers…”
It was later that night, the three of us were back at home watching television in the living room. I sat on the love-seat, while Lacey and Zach were sitting on the couch. I couldn’t help but feel hurt over the minor events earlier in the day. My heart felt so heavy in my chest it was affecting my body. My bones ached, my muscles shook and I was cold. My mind raced with thoughts of Lexi, Danielle, and Zach’s promiscuous past. I felt unwanted. In an attempt to get him to notice, I pulled my phone out of my pocket, and sent a text to him that read: “Zachy…”
I watched him read the text from his phone. I know he looked to me, but I couldn’t look at him. I just stared at the floor. I was too afraid to ask for a moment alone with him.
He continued to look to me as he spoke to Lacey. “Would you mind if Lydia and I spoke in private?”
She sighed, “Does that mean I have to leave?”
“No, Lydia and I will go downstairs. Just wondering if I could borrow her for a moment.”
“Oh, yeah sure. I don’t care?”
Zach stood up from the couch, and moved toward the stairs. I followed him as fast as I could without raising suspicion from Lacey, straight into his room on the lower-level of the house.
“What’s wrong?” He asked softly.
I shut his room’s door. “Why me?”
“What do you mean?”
“Why do you love me? I’m pretty… but not as pretty as most of the girls you talk to. Like Lexi said earlier today… you’re absolutely gorgeous. I feel like you would be happier without me… happier and stronger without me.” I let some of my heart out. I didn’t want to give too much, just in case my emotions back fired on me.
He was silent. The kind of silent that makes your mind beg for a word. Any word. I needed to know what he was thinking. I needed to know why he was so quiet. My deepest emotions came rushing to the surface. Tension built inside me, a sort of paranoia that twisted my every nerve.
I couldn’t hold it in anymore. “I know you have Lexi, but you could have any girl in the world. I feel like I don’t deserve you, Zach.
“Is that what you want?” he asked softly, relieving me of the tension.
“No…” I whispered, tears forming in my eyes. Anger rushed through me; I hated myself for saying that to him. But I felt like I was holding him back. From the life that he wanted. My own selfishness screamed out of my every pour. I continued, “You’ve been through so much hurt in your life, and you became the perfect person because of it…I’m far from perfect, and I don’t want to tie you down…”
He took a deep breath. “Lydia, you’re everything to me.”
“No…I’m not…” I said, trying to convince myself I was not good enough for him.
“Yes, you are. You are the only reason I get up in the morning…you are the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on,” he said.
“I can’t be.” Again, trying to convince myself otherwise.
“Everyday, my only goal is to make you smile. To see that you are happy. To see that you have the best in your life,” he paused, taking a breath again, “You know the hurt I’ve gone through, Lydia? I couldn’t have gotten through it without you. You’re the reason my heart beats. You’re the reason for everything in my life.”
He took another breath. “You say you’re not perfect, but I look at you, and I see the definition of perfection.”
I gazed as his eyes began to fill with tears, something I hadn’t seen in ages. He spoke, “If I ever lost you…I’d swallow a bullet. If you know what that means.”
I flew towards him, wrapped my arms around him and locked my hands together on his back. I pulled myself into his chest, held him as tight as my arms could bear. He did the same to me.
I began to cry softly into his chest. “Don’t you dare say that again… ever.”
He spoke under his breath, his head buried into my shoulder, “I can’t look in the mirror without seeing a monster staring back…”
“Shhh…” I whispered. I couldn’t bear to listen to him say that about himself. His body began to shake. I rubbed his back, trying to calm him. I led us to his bed, sitting us both down. He stared at the floor, as if he was ashamed to show his face. I felt nothing but fear and lament, as if I was going to lose him. I grabbed his right arm, pulling up on the gray shirt’s sleeve slowly. I exposed his scars. He tried covering them, but I brushed him away. I kissed each of his eight scars; his skin was cold against my lips.
In that moment, I realized he needed me. He needed my comfort. He needed my love. I looked back to him, pulling up his chin to look into his eyes. Our eyes locked in a gaze that mesmerized my body. The skin around his eyes was pure red, making the kyanite blue iris of his eyes burst with color. I was looking into the eyes of a damaged soul, in search of something to soothe the pain that was hidden deep inside. I leaned in, and he followed. We kissed softly. My body trembled.
We kissed excessively, as if nothing could stop us. Our hands roamed each other’s bodies as we kissed. I grabbed his shirt, pulling it off his body. His muscles still shook as he took off my sweatshirt and undershirt. We continued to kiss, moving our bodies further onto the bed.
I lay on my back as he held himself over me. We kissed as I slowly took off his belt, pulling down his black jeans. He pushed them off himself, and came back to kiss my neck. I moaned softly as his lips excited my every nerve. He kissed down my chest, past my breasts.
I ran my hands through his angelically soft hair as he went down. He kissed down my skinny tummy, my back arching as his face reached my skinny jeans. His teeth unbuttoned them, and unzipped them. He pulled them off my legs.
We were both almost naked. My body began to shake in excitement for what was to come, and my pussy dripped in anticipation. We kissed as we relieved each other of our underwear. We pulled the blankets over us, as I placed my head on his pillow.
We kissed each other softly, each second passing, my body groaning for him. He entered me. I wanted to moan out in pure enjoyment, but I had to control myself. Letting out any sort of noise would alert Lacey. We kissed as he entered and exited me slowly. His strong length and width, stretching my pussy to its limit. Physically, I was exhilarated, my body bursting with an everlasting pleasure that only my brother gave me.
I was fully satisfied. No other man made me feel this way. Emotionally, I felt gorgeous. I felt needed, wanted, loved and most of all, beautiful to him. That’s all I could ever ask for. All I’ve ever wanted was to be perfect in his eyes, and though I may have my insecurities, I knew that I was his number one. I am in love with my step-brother.