I Hate You

“I hate you!” was the last thing I said as I slammed my door shut and went to cry on my bed. He just didn’t understand. He never did. Almost every day this happened; him trying to talk about Mama and me saying it doesn’t matter anymore. She is gone, what am I suppose to do now? I feel that Daddy will never understand. I can’t do anything about her now. It’s been over a year already and he is still trying to talk to me about it. Why can’t he just let it go?

I lay on my bed as it got darker and darker outside. My tears had my hair plastered to my face as I beat my pillows with my fists as I screamed. I can’t take this anymore. I just can’t…

It was about that time I fell asleep fully dressed sprawled out on my bed with tears drying on my face.

I slowly opened my eyes and saw nothing but darkness. I lay there silently slowly remembering the fight earlier between me and my dad. I blinked my eyes a few times to get the sleepy out of them, and then I heard it.

I sat up like a log and listened, barely breathing. I couldn’t believe my ears. I hadn’t heard this song since before Mama died. Father wouldn’t ever touch that CD. I know, because he hadn’t touched it since before she passed. I haven’t heard him laugh or seen him smile since that day. It breaks my heart to see him so unhappy, and I wish I could fix it. I make dinner every day, I bring flowers home on Fridays, I keep this house cleaner than it’s ever been, and he has yet to give me a true smile. Hence why we have our arguments, he ends up saying something that hurts my feelings and then I go ‘gung-ho-all-out-woman’ on him is what he calls it. Then I slam my door and come out two hours later and everything is usually okay. After those fights, we act like nothing happened and continue our daily lives.

But this time, I sat there listening, and I felt everything had changed. That song… “Pachelbel’s Canon,” was mother’s favorite tune. When she was still with us, she had the song playing over the home speaker system every day. It was a security thing for her, which became security for us all. Ever since she died, Daddy never let it play, until now.

I let the thought pass from my mind as I got up off my bed to change clothes. It was completely dark outside now. I could hear the wind outside, there was a thunderstorm moving in from the south. I slipped out of my tight jeans and turtle neck shirt and into a pretty yet sexy pair of red lacy boi shorts and a see through pink nighty on my top half. Even though Daddy seemed to scare away all of the boys I ever liked away, I still liked to look at myself in the mirror. I thought I had a decent body; five foot one inches tall, 36 B size breasts with light pink nipples, my hair was a dark golden brown that went past the middle of my back in waves. My hair was my vanity, for I loved it dearly.

I wrapped my soft red robe around me and opened my door for the music to remind me again of my mother, and yet again wondering why Daddy was playing it again. I went down the hallway and passed Daddy’s room. I stopped and peered through the cracked door but I didn’t see Daddy.

I made it to the kitchen and got a glass of tea out of the fridge and started drinking it slowly. It made my throat feel much better after crying so much earlier. The Canon could still be heard throughout the house. I couldn’t ignore it. I couldn’t ignore the fact that Daddy was playing it after all this time, and after our argument nonetheless. I was startled and jumped slightly as I felt fingertips on my shoulder holding me softly. I spun around and there was Daddy, just looking at me. I didn’t know what to think or say, so I said nothing and looked down. Daddy wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close to his chest.

Daddy was a truck driver and drove for at least a week at a time. He was all over the state of Alaska, going on the ice roads even. I learned a long time ago not to let it bother me that he might die, because for some reason he still always comes home. For being in his late thirties, he was still a very good looking man. He kept his hair cropped short and I usually only ever saw him around the house in white crew neck T-shirts and blue jeans with an occasional long sleeve denim shirt. I only came up to his chest. But it was always his bright green eyes that caught my attention. To me it seemed as if they had every color of the spectrum in them.

I caught myself looking into his eyes again and suddenly looked down again. I hadn’t even realized that I was looking into them until I felt Daddy tense up a bit. Nothing was said so I unraveled myself from his embrace and ran back to my room. Once I got back in my room, I realized my robe had come undone and that he had seen me. My mind was reeling. I suddenly started not to feel good inside, so I lay on my bed trying to think which was proving very difficult.

I turned my lamp back off and got under my blankets this time in my sexy nighties and tried to go back to sleep. But I couldn’t. My mind kept going back to those eyes, the eyes that I hadn’t seen in over a year. Except when I had seen them over a year ago, they weren’t looking at me, they were looking at mama. I didn’t know what to think, or know what I was supposed to feel. I was scared. But then again, I did know something that I felt. I didn’t want to believe it though, because it was wrong. It was so very wrong that I didn’t even realize I had let my hand wander further under the blankets. I cautiously felt between my legs and it was very wet. I gasped, realizing that what I felt was true. The way Daddy had looked at me had made me aroused to the point where I soaked my panties.

After the initial shock of finding out I had sexual feelings for the man who brought me into this world, I actually let my hand find its way beneath the soaked lace and onto the folds of skin that surrounded my rose bud. It was as slick as ice yet as hot and steamy as the steam off the water in a hot shower. I pushed the thin fabric to the side while simultaneously slipping a finger deep inside myself. It made me gasp once more as I pictured those eyes of Daddy’s again.

I let my fingers roam for a good ten minutes before I finally felt the feeling I wanted; the explosion of euphoria in my stomach as I reached my climax. I gasped and whined again as my body began to relax when all of a sudden I realized my door was open. I tensed as I sat up fully to see no other than my father sitting at the foot of my bed. My heart was racing and beating out of my chest as I stared yet again into those yes, except this time, they weren’t in my mind.

“Elaina, it’s okay. It’s just me. Calm down,” Daddy said as he reached with one hand to cover one of mine. My heart started to calm down just to race suddenly again when Daddy came closer to me. I took my other hand and made a failing attempt to pull the blankets back over me. I saw his eyes smile again, which scared me even more, because I was getting wet all over again.

I burst into tears and reached for Daddy as he wrapped me in his arms. I cried for only a few minutes, but the whole time, he sat there, saying nothing, moving nowhere. I beat my fists on his broad shoulders and tried to pull away from him, but for some reason, my body wouldn’t let me pull hard enough to where he let me go. Maybe he did understand, or maybe it was me who didn’t understand after all.

Daddy pulled up the blankets around my shoulders as he sat there holding me close to him, his white shirt covered with tears and snot, but I assumed he didn’t care at this point.

“Elaina, sweetheart, why didn’t you just come to me? There is nothing to be scared of,” were his words. I heard each and every one of them, and with each one of them came a resounding cloud of love that I had never felt before. It made my stomach ache and turn in knots and my hands sweat while clutching at his shirt.

I didn’t know what to say, but I figured it was time to say something. I couldn’t hide from the truth forever. “Daddy? I’ve always been scared. I’m sorry. I just didn’t want to admit that Mama was gone. I’m 18 now, I know, but I wasn’t ready for her to go away yet, Daddy. I wasn’t ready,” I said to him in sobbing whispers. He held me tighter.

“Darling, I wasn’t ready either. I didn’t want to admit she was gone yet either, but I figured it is time to let her go. We still have each other you know,” he said as I looked up into those eyes again. They sparkled and made him look much different in the dark.

The storm had arrived and rain was battering down on every inch of the house while thunder made the windows rumble. It was a magnificent sound, the sound of thunder. Mama, Daddy and I had always stood by the back door and watched out the glass at the lightening in the sky above our house. Those times are gone now though.

After this, Daddy finally unwrapped his arms from around me and left the room, saying nothing more. I was left in the silence with nothing but the thunderstorm for comfort. I lay my head back down on my pillow and snuggle up more in my blankets, shaking violently with the emotions from tonight. The music continued to play throughout the night as I fell asleep yet again.

***

Days had passed and nothing was said between Daddy and me. I went to work while he worked around the house before he had to leave the next day for Point Barrow, the northernmost town in the United States of America. He would be gone for four days he had said last week. I was looking forward to him leaving honestly. I kept trying to forget that night when he came into my room, but it seemed the memory was etched into my mind for all eternity with the way it stayed glued to my vision. I kept myself locked up in my room. I didn’t cook dinner or anything for the first time in over a year. I didn’t eat. I slept or lay there going through the torture as if it were happening again and again. Daddy never said anything to me and never bothered me. Just as well he didn’t bother me. It would only make matters worse I thought.

He is leaving in the morning. Only a few more hours, I kept thinking as I tried to fall asleep. I had been laying here for hours trying to fall asleep but to no avail. I again felt that nagging ache in my pelvis again. It wouldn’t go away no matter what I did or how hard I played with myself. It just would not go away. I would climax once, just to have to do it again not thirty seconds later because the ache was even stronger. I let my hands wander down there yet again as I lay in bed naked. I had no idea where Daddy was, and didn’t care. I just wanted this feeling to go away so I could sleep peacefully for one night.

Almost there! I triumphed as I neared the biggest climax yet. My right hand was rubbing my clit for all it was worth when something scared the living shit out of me and I tensed as I felt something very soft and very wet on my clit. I knew that wasn’t my hand either. I braved up and looked down to see Daddy down between my legs, licking up all my juices with his tongue. I didn’t know what to think except the fact that I did indeed have the biggest orgasm I had had so far. My heart was still thumping out of my chest. I could still feel my cervical walls pulse with energy around Daddy’s fingers. My eyes rolled in the back of my head and everything went dark for a few seconds. It was then he broke our vow of silence.

“Elaina, look at me. It’s okay. Look at Daddy for me.” I looked and everything was spinning. I opened and closed my eyes a few times then I was down to about double vision and I was at last able to concentrate on Daddy as he kept talking to me. “Honey, shhhhh. It’s all okay. Shhhhh.” He cooed at me while his hands rubbed me softly. I was whimpering from the waves of euphoria still running through my body. I could feel my nipples standing erect against the cool night air.

I finally realized I couldn’t run from this, from my love for Daddy. I didn’t want to believe it was true. But here I was, recovering from an astounding orgasm that he had given me. I had never felt anything like it before, and the thing was I wanted to feel it over and over and over again. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and held him as tight as I could. I started to lose tears a little bit as he held me just as tight.

“I love you, Daddy,” was all I said as he lifted me and left my room. I didn’t know where he was taking me, but I soon found out as he entered his room. I had never gone into his room before. That was a land I had forbidden myself to go since Mama died. I looked it over what I could being half way upside down in Daddy’s arms.

There were candles on the shelves, on his dresser, and in the window sill. They were all lit and it cast a soft glow all around the room. It was clean and everything was kept tidy. I had always wondered what type of mess I would have to clean up one day. Apparently his room isn’t it.

Daddy and Mama had a giant four poster king size bed in their room. They let me sleep with them as a child. That was why Mama started to play the Canon all the time, even when we slept, because it was that that she lured me into my own bed at night, and left the music playing so that I would sleep. For 17 years it had played, until she died, and Daddy had turned it off. But ever since the other day, Daddy played it again, and it was the most soothing sound one could hear when he took me in his arms and into his bed.

He covered me up slightly to keep me warm as he went into his bathroom and took a shower. I just lay there the whole time waiting to see what would happen. My heart had calmed down now, it just felt so natural, so right; me laying here in this bed, the bed that father would soon be coming to.

“Elaina, I’m here. Honey, wake up, Daddy is here,” I heard in the background as I opened my eyes. I was covered in sweat and looked up at Daddy hovering above me. “Sweetheart, its okay, just a nightmare,” he reassured me as we both relaxed into the folds of the blankets around us both. I looked at Daddy and realized all of the candles but the two on his bedside table were out. All I could see were the flames reflections in his eyes. It made them glow like embers.

I looked into Daddy’s eyes as his arms wrapped around me tighter and I leaned into him more. I could smell him now. Just his masculine odor, fresh and out of the shower too. It made my pelvis ache so badly it was impossible to hold my hips still. What I felt next to me, made it even worse.

I moved my leg over some, and felt Daddy’s rigid cock between us. Not really surprising me, he had no clothes on, just like me. It made me quiver beneath him like a leaf on a tree. His breathing was steady and heavy.

“You look just like your mother, Elaina. I love you. I have loved you always. I only want you to be happy.”

I didn’t know what to say, so I didn’t say anything. He leaned down and his lips touched mine and an explosion of euphoria erupted inside me. My hips thrust forward unexpectedly but he didn’t stop kissing me. His strong arms wrap around me as his legs intertwine with mine. My hair flowed behind me over the pillow like a cascade of soft velvet.

His lips wandered down my slender neck and onto my chest, only to stop hovering right above my right nipple. His tongue slid onto the tip and sent electricity down my spine. He felt my body go rigid and I could feel him moving his hips in unison with the thrusts of mine. I laid my hands on his sides, feeling his muscles ripple beneath the skin.

I moved my right hand softly down his body and onto his hip. I slid it between our bodies and grasped his hardened cock with all my fingers. Without seeing him, I gauged him to be about seven and a half inches long and about an inch and a quarter thick, getting thicker towards the base. I felt that he kept his hair neatly trimmed and that his balls nicely filled up the palm of my hand. I started to massage his manhood slowly with light pressure. I could feel his heart speed up and he got even harder.

By this time, his breathing was as hard as mine, as he looked into my eyes yet again. I felt that same wave or euphoria explore my body yet again as he put either of his hands above my shoulders and pushed himself over me. He thrust the full length of his cock into my cave in one fast thrust making me scream.

“Daddy!!” I screamed with a tinge of fear in it. It had hurt a little bit but the pleasure I felt far outweighed any pain I might have felt.

“Shhhhh shhhh Baby, hush. It’s okay,” he said as he thrust again, out slowly, but in just as fast as the first one. Each time I couldn’t help myself. I yelped out like a helpless female having all the pleasure she could take. The look in Daddy’s eyes drove me crazy. They looked into mine the whole time, until he sped up, thrusting faster and faster. My breasts were big enough that their weight shifted from one spot to another with his thrusts making them feel good too.

Daddy’s head finally rested on my left shoulder as he bore into me with his hard member making me scream and whine openly. He had found my spot, and moved his hips over me to make his cock hit my spot every time. Each time, it made me come a bit more and more until the ongoing orgasm he was giving me took control. My back arched beneath Daddy as my hips rise up and spit him out of me as I lost control of my bladder. The pressure was so great that is sprayed all over his mid section. I heard him say “Oh God” over and over as his hands swept down there to feel me continuously urinate all over him and his bed.

It was something I couldn’t control. I didn’t know I could do something like this. The orgasms I usually give myself were nowhere near strong enough to make me lose control of my body so utterly. But the man I had been so angry at for the last year had just taken control of me so well that I was at his mercy, and I loved every minute of it.

My body was still shaking from the intensity of the orgasm I just experienced when Daddy thrust back up in me again just to make my body feel the same thing all over again. He was harder than he was before I came, and it was throbbing. It felt even better. I could hear the slapping noises from our bodies ramming against each other. I was exhausted but he kept going, until he said my name to where I could barely hear it as I felt his member pulse and throb harder yet as I felt hot semen spurting out of him just like I had done on him not moments before.

I could feel it sliding out of me while he was still in me. He was still hard, unlike all the others I had been with. They all had gone soft right after ejaculating. It felt amazing. I was still whimpering like a lost puppy under Daddy as he eased out of me and lay right next to me looking at me again. My breathing was ragged and rough just like his but he had already calmed down.

I looked back at Daddy and smiled at him, what smile I could give when I was this tired. He smiled back, for the first time in over a year. This was the moment I was the happiest I had been since Mama died. This time, I didn’t even have to say it to Daddy, my eyes said it all, just like his. I love you.

I fell asleep moments later in Daddy’s arms. I slept a peaceful night for the first time since Mama died. No nightmares or bad dreams, and Daddy held me the whole time. But I did wake to find that the bed had been changed after I went to sleep. I must have slept so hard I didn’t feel him move me so he could make the bed after I had got it all wet. All I know is Daddy and I don’t argue anymore. He just butters me up and sooner or later gets me into bed and life goes on, finally with Mama in the past.