Did I fail Love?

Did I fail the man I am in love?

I refused to run to him, when I had a chance to run to him.

I weep and torn apart. I failed love.   I longed to dream of wicked dreams of me and him, Theo asked me over and over to come to him. Now I am sitting here in tears to the news. I failed him, but mostly I failed myself.   I hate myself. I hate the choices I let be made for me and him. Why did I not go to him, when all I wanted was to touch his body and kiss his perfect lips of sin? Did I fail him and me?   Did I fail the dream of what might had been or not been between him and me. Now I weep endless since the news. My heart is shatter. My soul is lost.   He is all I think, dream and love. Yet I feel I failed the love I hold for him deep within me. I want go to him. Would he be happy to see, if I went running to him?   I lingering the darkness of my pain to the news, I am about to lose him from my reach forever. I tumble about my bed. I can’t think, eat or sleep because my heart and soul cursing me for turning away from because I was letting others tell me what not to do when it comes to him.   Did I fail…? Oh god forgives me for failing him and me. Give me the strength and will to run to him no matter what others say. Theo needs me.   Did I fail him and me? Now I know I must face him and become the source of strength Theo will need upon his darkened trouble. Did I fail…? No….I know now, this is not failure, it has now become my heart and soul true challenge to help defeat his trouble.   Did I fail not him or love? I know now, this is the way to show him what he truly means to me. I must become the ground and air around. I must be the champion in his darkened time.   I will not let go of him. I will not speak of my love to him at this time, but I will be all he needs, even in the end of this…. He just wants to remain friends. My love for him is strong enough to just be his friend.   I walk upon this journey no longing feeling I failed him and me. I see the sun blazing upon me. I feel his warm embrace upon me asking me to come to him. I will not fear him.   I will not fear myself or my love for him no more. Failed love, I thought, but now I see. Love has not failed me. I and love goes running to him.   Did I fail love…? No. I know my love for my Theo; will not fail me or him. I know now…just what I need to do for him and me.   ©2009 Firestar