A Kanker gets her man by Sex conspiracy theorisit

“GET YOUR FRESH PIG-CHICK-OOSE RIGHT HERE!!!”

Eddy stands in the middle of the cul-de-sac behind a Homemade Stand. It’s part of another one of his scams in action, and this Thanksgiving he’s cooked up something special. After watching a Football Game last year, and hearing an announcer talk about stuffing a Chicken inside a Duck, the stuffing it inside a Turkey, Eddy decided to make his own Entrée dish. Basically, it’s a Pigeon stuffed in a Chicken, stuffed in a Goose. Naturally, Edd a.k.a. Double D is against the idea.

“This has got to be by far your most ridiculous plan yet, Eddy.” Edd says.

“Oh, chill out, Sock head.” Eddy replies. “Why don’t you be more like Ed? He’s into the spirit.” Eddy points out to Ed, who’s dressed like a Pigeon…with a long Goose-like neck, and Chicken features.

“Gobble, Gobble, Cluck, Cluck, Honk!” He says. At that moment, Kevin comes into the cul-de-sac riding his bike. He takes one look at the Ed’s operation and scoffs.

“What are you losers up to this time?” He asks.

“Only selling the greatest tasting Thanksgiving Meal in the history of the holiday.” Eddy tells him. “Step right up and get your first taste at “Pig-Chick-Oose right here. All it costs is a plate of your Thanksgiving Dinner.”

Kevin shakes his head in disbelief. “You must be joking. There’s no one stupid enough to fall for this.” But Kevin is proven wrong as he turns to see Johnny walking over towards them, carrying Plank & two plates of Thanksgiving Dinner.

“Boy, Plank! We sure are lucky that Eddy told us about his delicious meal.” He says to his wooden friend.

Eddy smiles at Kevin and offers him a portion, but Kevin just walks away. “Dorks!”

Soon after Kevin leaves, Rolf, Nazz & Jimmy emerge from their houses bringing out their own plates from Thanksgiving Dinner to Eddy. As they crowd around Eddy, he brings out a huge covered pot and places in on the stand. “Ladies & Gentlemen, prepare your taste buds for the most magnificent meal you’ll ever have…THE PIG-CHICK-OOSE!!!”

Eddy opens the pot, expecting to show off his masterpiece. Instead, the pot is filled with Ed’s dirty laundry. One look, and all the kids turn their heads in disgust. “ROLF HAS NEVER FELT SO MUCH OF THE INSULTED!!!” Rolf yells.

“ICK! That’s just disgusting.” Nazz adds.

“Oh! I think I’m gonna be sick!” Jimmy says, right before upchucking his previous Thanksgiving helpings.

Eddy has a look of confusion on his face, at least until he sees what’s in the pot. “ED!!! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOUR CLOTHES DOING IN THE POT??!!”

“It was Laundry Day, Eddy.” Ed tells him. “And the mysterious Washing Wizard lurks my basement on Laundry Day. I needed somewhere to soak my unmentionables.”

Eddy throws the pot away in frustration, feeling another one of his scams flushed down the toilet. As the crowd disperses, Ed’s little sister, Sarah, can be heard yelling for him from their house. “ED! MOM SAYS GET INSIDE OR NO BUTTERED TOAST WITH DINNER!!!”

“But I love my Buttered Toast!” Ed proclaims. “I gotta go, guys.” He takes off like a rampaging elephant towards his house, leaving Eddy & Double D by themselves.

“Well, I should be getting inside, too.” Eddy says. “Before Mom sends my big brother looking for me.”

“Indeed. Even though I ate my dinner early, I should also retreat to my quarters.” Double D adds, and the two head for their respective homes. As Edd gets to the front door of his house, though, he finds a sticky note from his mother posted on the front door, and a plate on the step below. He takes the note off of the door, and starts to read it. What the note says fills him with deep fear & dread.

“OH, SWEET MERCIFUL HEAVENS!!! IT CAN’T BE!!!”

Eddy is about to walk into his house when he hears Edd, and rushes over to find out what’s wrong. “What’s your gripe, Sock Head?” Double D hands Eddy the note, and he begins to read it. A moment later, his heart stops and his jaw drops. “KANKERS? WHOA! What did you do for your folks to punish you like that?”

“Nothing!” Double D says in his defense. “My mother works at the same location the Kanker’s mother works. They’re good friends. And now I gotta deliver a plate of our Thanksgiving Dinner to them as a show of friendship.”

“But you’re not friends with those lady lunatics!” Eddy says, before dashing back to his house. “Look, I gotta get to my Dinner, but hang in there. We’ll get Rolf & the Urban Rangers! WE’LL SAVE YA, BUDDY!!!”

Eddy retreats into his house, now leaving Double D alone. He reaches over and picks up the plate and sighs deeply, sensing nothing but the worst to come out of this scenario. “Well, into the Belly of the Beast I shall venture. Perhaps this ordeal shall make me a better & stronger person…if I survive the encounter.”

30 Minutes Later…

Edd arrives at the Kanker’s Trailer Park, carrying the plate that was meant for them. He slowly walks toward their Trailer, his knees shaking & teeth chattering the closer he gets. Suddenly, their door flies open, and instinctively, Edd hides behind a nearby Trailer. He peeks his head out and sees two of them walking out of the Trailer. They’re laughing and messing around as they walk away from their Trailer, and out of the park.

“Mercy has been granted upon me.” Edd says to himself. “Now I only have to deal with one of them.” With slightly more confidence, he comes out of hiding and walks up to their Trailer. Knocking on the door, he tells himself to just hand over the plate and run home as fast as humanly possible. An easy job, he believes. But it all goes down the drain once the door opens, and he sees the remaining Kanker sister there. It’s Marie, the one who has a crush on him.

“Hey! My mom said she already gave at the office and…” She stops in mid-sentence once she sees who’s at the door. “Hello, Lover!”

Edd’s face turns pale white, as he looks at her in shock. “Oh, dear.” Before he can even blink, Marie pulls him into to Trailer, slamming the door shut behind him. She leans against the door, blocking Edd’s only way out, and gives him a seductive look.

“What brings you to my neck of the woods?” She asks.

“I…uh, I…that is…my mother has sent me here to drop off a plate.” He says, showing her the plate of Thanksgiving Dinner he’s carrying. “That is to say a plate of…”

“OH! A romantic dinner! How thoughtful of my man!” She grabs him by the arm and leads him into the kitchen area, where she sits him down hard at the table. She takes the plate and unwraps the plastic wrap that’s covering it. And like a Steam shovel working on overdrive, she digs into the plate, sending pieces of food flying around as if there were a hurricane in the house. Edd just looks on from a safe distance, with shock & awe.

“My goodness.” He thinks to himself. “How can she ingest so much food, yet keep such a flawless figure? Wait a minute, why am I thinking about her figure?”

After a few moments, Marie stops the gorge-fest. Her face is covered with each food item that was on the plate, as she looks at Double D. “Want some, honey bun?” She says, taking her spoon and digging up a good portion of what looks to be Turkey, Mashed Potatoes & Gravy (She tore through the plate so everything kinda looks the same). She offers it out to Edd, who respectfully declines.

“Oh, no thank you.” He tells her. “I’m flattered, but you see…” She sticks the spoon into his mouth before he can protest further. She pulls it out and continues scarfing down her food, as Edd swallows the portion she gave him. He looks back at her finishing up the plate.

“She just put that spoon into her mouth, after it’s been in mine.” He thinks. “That is completely revolting…yet somehow fascinating. Dear god, why am I finding Marie Kanker fascinating?”

Before he can come to an answer, Marie grabs his arm and drags him into the Living Room area. Slamming him down on the couch, she plops down right beside him, grabs the TV remote and turns the TV on. “Now, let’s watch some After Dinner Entertainment.”

Edd sits there as he looks at the TV, watching the annual Thanksgiving Football Game. A Linebacker just delivered a huge hit on the Quarterback, and Edd squirms from the sight of it. He averts his eyes away from the TV. Unfortunately, they land on Marie. “Why am I now having these feelings about Marie Kanker?” He thinks to himself, as his eyes closely scan over her body. “I mean, it doesn’t seem at all feasible…although her figure has matured quite rapidly through the years. And her hair does look the perfect hue of blue. And the way she applies Lipstick to her…”

He stops his thought right there, immediately knowing what’s going to happen next. “Lipstick? OH, DEAR HEAVENS NO!!! RUN AWAY!!!” Immediately, Edd springs to his feet and makes a mad dash for the door. But Marie gets there in no time and cuts him off.

“You’re not going anywhere, Lover.” She says, pushing him back onto the couch. She grabs a Doorknob sign off of the wall that reads: ‘When this Trailer’s A-Rockin’, don’t come A-Knockin’, then hangs it on the outside doorknob before shutting the door and locking all 12 locks on the door. Edd starts to feel trapped, and fears for his life.

“Now Marie, let’s be rational about this.” He says. “You don’t wanna jump the gun or…”

“Don’t worry, I’m just gonna jump your gun!” She charges Double D and pounces on top of him, straddling him between her legs. Immediately she starts pelting him with kisses, covering his entire face with traces of her lipstick in seconds. She ends it off by kissing him on the lips, and almost forcing her tongue down his throat. Double D starts flailing his arms wildly as she holds his head close to her, keeping the kiss locked.

“Oh, Lord! Her tongue is inside my mouth!” He thinks. “This is unsanitary! It’s repelling! It…actually feels good.”

Slowly, Edd finds himself kissing her back, and even playing tonsil hockey back with her. He slowly places his hands on her hips, leaving them there and making sure they don’t move any lower to offend her. Marie has other plans though, as she grabs his hands and places them on her ass, wanting them there. Edd’s heart is has now tripled in pace. This is the first time he’s felt a woman’s behind, and he becomes mesmerized by the experience. “My word. It’s soft…yet firm!” He thinks, as he continues to squeeze her backside. “I’ve heard rumors from Kevin about how it feels. But to be actually touching it…”

Finally, Marie breaks up the makeout session by pulling away, and smiling at her love. Edd looks up at her and grins nervously. “Uh…that was…very exciting.”

“And it’s gonna get even more exciting, Boy Toy.” She says, sliding herself off of him. She unzips his shorts and reaches her hand through his fly, grabbing hold of his Cock. As she pulls it out, she begins to laugh, almost fiendishly. This causes Edd to feel self-conscious about himself.

“Oh, great. Now she’s gonna make fun of me.” He thinks. But what he hears next is the absolute last sentence he expected to here.

“HA! I knew May was wrong!” She says, grinning widely. “My Double D does have the biggest Cock of the three.”

Edd’s heart stops, and his face starts blushing bright red. He wants to thank her; at least he thinks he wants to, but he feels a pair of warm lips envelope the head of his Rod. Marie has taken the initiative, and is now sucking his Cock like a pro. Her tongue moves around his head rapidly, as she bobs her head up & down. Edd tries to protests.

“Marie…we can’t!” He says. “This…this…feels so good!” His eyes almost roll into the back of his head, from the immense pleasure. He tries to rationalize the situation, so he can figure out a way to control it. “I can’t believe she put my penis in her mouth.” He thinks. “This is deplorable and…and…the best thing I’ve ever experienced.”

The experience is short-lived though, as Marie quickly releases his Rod from her mouth. “There. Nice & slick.” She says, before starting to pull down her tight green jeans. She pulls them all the way off, then starts taking off her cotton panties. Edd stares on in shock, completely speechless. Once Marie gets them off, she quickly climbs on top of her lover and straddles him. Before he can even think of stopping her, she grabs hold of his manhood and guides herself onto it, taking in all of Double D.

“Yeah, my Double D’s a perfect fit!” She says, enjoying this moment. Edd on the other hand, is having a panic attack.

“My word!” He thinks. “I’m experiencing intercourse. And I think I’m being raped! But I was saving myself for marriage and…” His thoughts stop cold once he looks into Marie’s eyes. He gets a good look at the seductiveness within him, and almost becomes hypnotized by it. A primitive instinct starts to rise within him, and he reaches his hand under her shirt to fondle her breasts. Marie moans loudly in approval.

“Oh Yeah! Now my Double D’s getting into it!” Marie yells. She moves her hips up & down, working up a good rhythm to get started. Edd lifts up her tight black T-Shirt to her round, perky, luscious breasts. As he continues to play with them, a conflict goes on within his head.

“WHAT AM I DOING???” He thinks to himself. “This is unconscionable. Having sex out of wedlock is a huge sin! And I…I…for some reason I feel I must taste her nipples.”

He acts on that feeling, sitting up and burying his head into her bosom, sucking on her nipples. Marie wraps her arms around him, pulling him even closer as she cheers her man on. “OH YEAH!!!” She screams. “GO DOUBLE D, GO!!!”

The action starts to speed up, and Edd even starts pumping into Marie’s pussy, instead of letting her do all the work. They switch positions, putting Marie on the bottom & Edd on top of her. He starts stroking in & out of her slowly, but quickly picks up the pace. Soon, he’s going at full speed. Marie wraps her legs around him, moaning & screaming at the top of her lungs.

“OH FUCK ME, DOUBLE D!!!” She screams. “FUCK ME GOOD!!!”

Edd is thriving off of the exhilaration. Each stroke he’s putting his all into it. The young woman who he once feared and ran away from on multiple occasions is showing him the greatest experience he’s ever felt. But it doesn’t last much longer, as Edd feels a tingling below, indicating he’s close to his limit.

“Oh, Marie…I feel I’m about to ejaculate!” He says.

“I’M…I’M GONNA CUM TOO, DOUBLE D!!!” She screams.

A moment later, Edd pulls out of her and shoots his load all over her stomach & breasts. Some of it even lands on her face, much to his shock. He immediately thinks he’s ruined the moment, as she sits up and stares wide-eyed at him. “OH! My goodness! What was I thinking?” Edd says to her. “I should’ve grabbed a towel or something. I’m so sorry! I…”

He goes quiet when she continues to stare at him, thinking that she will rip him to shreds right then & there. And once again, he’s shocked by what comes next.

“That…was…AWESOME!!!” She leans in close and kisses him on the lips, then pulls him down on top of him, ready for more. Edd decides it’s wise to just follow her lead, and proceeds to give her exactly what she wants.

4 Hours Later…

Edd & Marie are now lying under the sheets on the Kanker’s couch, spooning each other. Edd’s hand is still cupped around Marie’s breast (it’s been that way for the last 3 hours) as they watch the late football game on TV.

“I must say I’m developing quite the fondness for Football.” Edd says. “The way the Quarterback instructs the other players to line up and run, it’s almost mathematic.”

“Plus the guys get to hit each other.” Marie adds. At that moment, a Defensive End delivers a huge tackle to the Running Back that makes her smile. And Edd finds that he’s smiling, happy to see her smiling. “Hey stud muffin, how come it took you so long to come over and screw me?” Marie asks.

“Well, to be perfectly honest, you intimidate me.” Edd answers.

“But I’m a good lay, right?” Marie asks.

“Heh, heh, unquestionably.” Edd answers nervously. They continue watching the game with their bodies pressed against each other. But a few moments later, a loud banging noise is heard coming from outside, followed by familiar chattering voices. “Oh no, Your Sisters!” Edd yells, starting to panic.

Outside the trailer, Edd is right. Marie’s two sisters, May & Lee are walking up to the trailer, with Lee dragging a dead Turkey carcass behind her. “That was the best Turkey Hunt ever!” May proclaims.

“We got a big one for this year!” Lee says, feeling confident about their find. Suddenly, headlights appear behind the two and shine brightly, illuminating the trailer. It’s followed by a very familiar and very thick-accented voice.

“URBAN RANGERS, WE MUST RESCUE THE PRISONER!!!”

A moment later, a large figure is shot towards the trailer. It’s Ed, and he’s sent barreling into the trailer door, knocking it down. The first thing he sees is Double D with his boxers on, trying to get into his shorts. “DON’T WORRY, DOUBLE D!!!” Ed says. “WE’RE HERE TO SAVE YOU!!!”

“Ed, wait! You don’t…” Before he can continue, Ed grabs him in a Bear hug, before tugging on the rope he’s attached to.

“Now fasten your seat belts and tuck your tail between your legs.” Ed says with a goofy grin. Before Double D can correct him, the two are pulled back out into the darkness. Or to be more exact, a waiting modified Turkey Wagon. They’re reeled into the Trojan Turkey, and the door slams shut behind them. Inside the Turkey, Rolf, Johnny & Jimmy man the controls, as Eddy holds the rope that was used to haul them in.

“Alright, we got him.” Eddy says. “Now step on it!”

“You heard Ed-Boy!” Rolf commands. “Let us be making with the split!”

Jimmy & Johnny start to peddle as fast as they can, trying to put as much space between them & the Kankers as possible. But there’s no movement, and they stay put. “Sir, I’m afraid that we aren’t moving!” Jimmy says.

Johnny puts Plank up to his ear, then relays a message to Rolf. “Plank says that we got caught on something.” Rolf, Ed & Eddy open the door again and peek out, only to see May & Lee holding on to the back of the Turkey.

“I thought I heard my Dreamboat inside there.” Lee says, referring to Eddy.

“Hiya, Big Ed!” Lee says, batting her eyes at him.

“Oh God, those Kankers must have super strength or something!” Eddy says. “PUT SOME POWER INTO THIS THING!!!”

“QUOTE THE RAVEN, NEVERMORE!!!” Ed adds, scared for his life. As Eddy & Ed duck back in and remove Jimmy & Johnny from the driver’s seat, Double D tries to reason with them.

“Gentlemen! Don’t you think you’re being hasty?” He asks. “I mean, the Kankers aren’t’ as bad as we once thought they were.”

Eddy looks at Double D in disbelief. “My God, what have they done to you? STEP ON IT, ED!!!”

“PEDAL TO THE METAL!!!” Ed yells before peddling like a madman. In no time he forces the Turkey free from their grasps and speeds off into the night. The two Kankers just look at each other and shrug their shoulders before walking into their trailer, where they find their sister Marie, wearing Double D’s shirt that he left behind, sitting on the couch, basking in the glow of the recent Sex-a-thon.

“What the heck went on here?” May asks, referring to the mess Marie & Edd made.

“And why the hell are you wearing that shirt?” Lee adds.

“Just something to remember my honey by.” She answers, with a smile.

Meanwhile…

The Trojan Turkey is now doing 50 on the street as it motors back to the cul-de-sac. Inside, Johnny & Jimmy have retaken the controls, as Ed & Eddy try to snap some sense into Double D. “They must’ve done some serious brainwashing on him, Ed.” Eddy says. “This is gonna take a long time before we see our old Double D again.”

“For the last time Gentlemen, I am not, nor have I been brainwashed!” Double D says. “But you could’ve at least allowed me to PUT ON MY SHIRT!!!”

At that moment, Ed walks over to the door, opens it, and looks up to the sky. “HAPPY THANKSGIVING, EVERYBODY!!!!”

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